Alphabet of Hope 2021 – #MindAndBody
Life with retinoblastoma is tough! All three of our previous alphabets emphasize this very well. 2020 was an unbelievably rough year for the whole world, and continues to be so as COVID-19 remains with us. While serving the retinoblastoma community through this global pandemic, the majority of our international WE C Hope team have been, and continue to navigate significant personal challenges. Those of us living with lifelong effects of retinoblastoma are acutely aware of the need for self-care to reduce the risk of overwhelm and burnout, especially when the road is tough.
Our 2021 #AlphabetOfHope is a collection of our top tips to support mental and physical health. Each letter entry shares one practical tip, published every two weeks throughout the year. We have added signposts below to further information with every letter.
We hope you enjoy this video showcasing the complete Alphabet and all the images shared throughout the year. A full text version can be found directly below the video.
Ask Questions and Ask For Help, because you can’t and shouldn’t do this alone. We all need information and support to grow, to find our way through tough times, to weave our darker threads with beauty into the tapestry of life, and gain inner calm. Identify what you need, take steps to get the answers, and put supports in place for your own well-being.
Ask for what you need, and know how to ask for help
Ask for What You Need
People want to help but often aren’t aware their help is needed, or they don’t know how to offer or give help effectively. So reach out and ask for what you need. Don’t worry that people will be too busy or unable to assist. They may be, but let them decide.
Do you need a coach or mentor, training, specific practical assistance? Do you need to cut down your commitments or work hours so you can spend more time with family and friends or invest in self-care? Do you need someone to give you a daily hug or words of encouragement?
Explain honestly what you are feeling, specifically what you need, and how it will help you live with more peace. Then follow through to put the offered plan in place for your wellbeing. That first small ask is always the hardest step.
Further Reading: Living with Rb, Parents Section: Seek and Accept Help
Further Reading: How to Ask For Help
How to Ask for Help — And Get a “Yes”
Asking For Help Is a Strength, Not a Weakness
Ask for help to protect your mental health
How to Practice Emotional First Aid
There’s No Shame in Taking Care of Your Mental Health
Breathe! When we’re anxious or angry, we tense up, hold our breath or breathe fast and shallow, increasing stress even more. Slow, deep breathing almost instantly diffuses tension, helping us feel calm, clear-headed and in control. Add some aromatherapy or a mindful walk in fresh air for a greater oasis of calm.
Read our blog on Breathing for Wellness: Why Breath Matters, and 8 Ways to Breathe Out Stress. Includes video tutorials and breathing activities for children.
Community is the best way through tough times, and friends who cross the valley with us are often central to our healing. Find others who can support you, and stay well connected. Choose your people carefully, in the physical world and online. Tell people how they can help you, show your appreciation, and support one another.
Talk With Friends
Sharing feelings and talking over troubles with a trusted friend can offer new perspective, ease worries and give reassurance that people care and we are not alone. Whether it be a conversation in person, a live-chat over Facetime or Skype, real-time text messaging or back-and-forth messages over several days, take time to find the friends you need to share your burdens and help lift you up. And be ready to do the same for them.
It can be especially valuable to share our worries with someone who understands the experience. For example, talking with others who understand how the pandemic may impact you as a parent or survivor affected by retinoblastoma. Several minds working together usually find solutions faster to overcome challenges, and may be more able to offer reassurance to ease stress.
But recognise that worry, gossip and catastrophizing from other people may amplify your own fears. Choose your support system carefully so it builds you up and gives you hope.
Further Reaing: Retinoblastoma Support Organizations
Further Reaing – Blog: The Retinoblastoma Rollercoaster
Further Reaing – Blog: Friendships Through Retinoblastoma
Further Reaing – Blog: Reflections of Camp Sunshine by Rb Moms
Further Reaing – Blog: Enucleation, Life and Support: Parent and Survivor Perspective
10 Ways to Have a Better Conversation
Stay Well Connected
Check that your contacts list is up-to-date with phone numbers, social links, emails and postal addresses for family members, neighbours, friends, and other people you care about. Find out how people prefer to connect, and record that information. For example, some people are not comfortable with video chats, but welcome internet audio calls. They may prefer a particular platform for chat communication. Plan regular check-ins with one another, but leave space for spontaneity too.
Building Connections: How to be a Relationship Ninja
5 Ways to Create Stronger Connections
Support One Another
Remember that the people you communicate with will also be relying on connection with you for support just now, as much as you rely on them. Surprise one another, be creative with your communication, have fun with it. Here are some suggestions:
- Plan with friends to watch a film or TV show, or read a book separately at the same time, so you can discuss it together on a group call or video meet-up.
- Set up a tandem baking session with a friend, or with your child and their grandparent (or other significant person), in which you all follow the same recipe, connected by a video call.
- With your friends, listen to the same positive radio show, and chat back and forth about its features. Note one thing you’d all like to follow up on that arose from the program or your conversation. A breakfast show is ideal as they are usually 3-4 hours long with multiple features and upbeat music, and even opportunities to interact with the show – perhaps you could message in with a greeting to your friend or relative who is listening along with you.
- Send voice memos to one another. The audio recording of our voice brings us closer to one another. You can also enliven the memo further with singing, music, or several members of your family on the same recording.
- Send surprise items in the mail. Perhaps you have a collection of postcards from past holidays, or gifted writing sets you thought you’d ever use in this digital age. Now may be just the time to dust them off, show them some love and send them out with a smile. Receiving an unexpected handwritten letter or card in the post is always a delight, just now more than ever.
How to Connect with Depressed Friends
Cuddle with Your Fur Babies
Pet therapy is enormously soothing to both body and mind. The rhythmic motion of stroking a furry animal helps to regulate breathing and calm racing thoughts. Active play helps draw our mind away from troubling thoughts into the action of the present moment. The physical activity and shift in perspective helps to release tension.
Animals are very attuned to the emotions of their human companions, and can present themselves at opportune moments for a little respite. Take advantage of those moments, rather than shooing your pet away in frustration.
Harvard Report: Dogs Reduce Stress
Do Something New! Cancer can quickly shrink and devour our lives. Activity changes our focus. Learn something every day to keep your mind sharp and open your world. Stretch beyond your comfort zone, and set aside your worries for a while. Be surprised, entertained, enthralled. It’s never too late to begin something new.
Why We Must Do New Things to Live a Happier Life
Try Something New
Exercise helps us relax, increases brain power and is proven to overcome depression. As little as 15-20 minutes of physical activity, 3 times a week can have sustained positive effects on mental health. Find what works for you. In tough times, that may be just 10 minutes of yoga, or a walk down the street. Start where you can and build from there.
The Brain-Changing Benefits of Exercise
Stretch Out with Yoga
Yoga originated in India about 5,000 years ago, and has evolved around the world into many styles of practice with different philosophies and exercises. Each can be applied in a range of situations for both physical and mental health benefits.
Yoga is now commonplace in health clubs, hospitals and other health care facilities, community centres, schools and retirement homes.
Yoga poses (asanas) involve a series of movements, holds, and controlled breathing. They help to calm and purify the body and mind while also developing physical strength and stamina.
Medical research shows that regular yoga practice helps ease high blood pressure, pain, depression, stress and symptoms in a wide range` of other medical conditions.
Some styles of yoga are more vigorous than others. Some place more emphasis on posture, and others on the breath. Many yoga teachers develop their individual practice by studying and combining elements from multiple styles. No style has proven to be more effective or beneficial to stress relief than another. The important thing is to choose a teacher, approach and class that suits you.
If your child is still in/recently-past treatment, consider asking if the hospital, hospitality housing like Ronald McDonald House or another support service offers yoga classes for parents. If you are a survivor living near a cancer centre, you could ask if the hospital has a program you can join. For example, survivors living in the UK can benefit from yoga, tai chi or qigong classes run by Maggie’s Centres across the country (you do not need to be an active patient at the hospital to benefit from this service).
There are many yoga practice possibilities online, for complete beginners and more experienced yogis. From full length classes to routines as short as five minutes.
A quick Youtube search will bring up a vast array of routines with which to start or end the day. You can also find routines for office breaks when you have limited space and you are dressed for work, or to address a wide range of physical and mental health situations.
This is a good routine for complete beginners. The presenter takes her time to explain each breath, movement and pose.
Make Daily Exercise Fun at Home
Even if medical circumstances, a global pandemic or other challenges keep you home or close to home, there are still many ways to exercise. With a little thought, you can weave fun physical activity into your daily routine at home. Try these tips to get going:
- Schedule a daily workout, and ask fellow family members to support you by respecting that time. You may even want them to join in.
- Prepare a specific routine, or follow an online workout video. When you don’t have to think about what to do next, you’re more likely to complete the session and gain more from it.
- Do PE with Joe – during the COVID pandemic lockdown in 2019, Joe Wicks live-streamed a free daily workout for families around the world. Past sessions are available at The Body Coach TV YouTube channel. Joe is donating all advertising revenue from these videos to the NHS Charities Together, COVID-19 Appeal.
- Learn to dance. Step by Step Dance School are live streaming virtual dance classes during the COVID-19 pandemic. They conform to social distancing guidelines, and teach steps with awareness that people will be unable to dance with a partner. Videos are also audio described, including blind and vision impaired participants. If you’ve always wanted to learn to dance but worried about dancing with another person during classes, this is an ideal time to learn. Find past sessions under the Videos tab.
- Join an online Zumba or yoga class. If you were previously part of a face-to-face class, find out if the coach has sessions available online, or what recommendations they have for other remote classes.
- When you are watching TV, stand up and jog on the spot whenever something specific is happening on screen – for example, when a scene involves an animal or takes place outside. Children may find this particularly fun.
- Pace while talking on the phone.
- Dance to music while cleaning – create your best playlist and get moving! It’s hard to worry about germs when you’re grooving to your favourite sounds.
Take a family friendly Taskmaster challenge: A new task was set every Monday and Wednesday during the first COVID-19 lockdown in 2019, and #HomeTasking challenges continue. A video montage of the best contributions are available on the Taskmaster YouTube channel. Create your own videos for current or past Taskmaster challenges. Here’s one fun example!
Feelings: You don’t have to be positive all the time. It’s perfectly OK to feel sad, angry, annoyed, frustrated, scared, or anxious. Having feelings doesn’t make us a negative person, it makes us human. Be aware of your emotions; name and respect them, so you can let them go in a healthy way.
Manage Strong Emotions (ABCDEF Technique)
Small fears and anxieties can compound into marauding emotions if we don’t learn to respect and properly manage them. We often can’t remove the uncertainties and challenges of life, but we can work from within to manage our emotions and feel less overwhelmed by them. Try this simple ABCDEF teqhnique: Acknowledge, Breathe, Counsel, Defuse, Exchange, Feelings.
Acknowledge: Bring your awareness to your feelings, and accept that they are there. So often we allow thoughts to sit in our mind without paying good attention to what they really are, or we simply push away uncomfortable feelings. Try naming your emotions and the sensations your body feels in response – for example, “I feel anxious because I don’t know what will happen. My shoulders are tense and my heart is racing.” Strong emotions control us when we don’t give them close attention. Actively focusing on them, and how they make you think and feel, reduces their power.
Breathe: Give your emotions space by taking some calming deep breaths. Sit or stand up straight, drop your shoulders to help release physical tension throughout your body. Breathe in for at least a count of 3, then hold and breathe out for another count of 3. There’s no need to modify your thoughts or feelings, just continue to acknowledge them for what they are, without any judgement.
Counsel: Remind yourself that negative thoughts and feelings are the voice of fear, that craving and endlessly seeking impossible certainty is unhelpful, and that fear is not a statement of fact. Remember the FEAR acronym: False Evidence Appearing Real.
Defuse: Emotions are not who we are. Think of them as waves of experience we can choose to surf. When we consciously release it, the troubling thought or feeling flows away. When you notice an emotion or thought process pulling you down, disrupt it by saying something like “this is making me unhappy. I am not doing this anymore. I deserve to treat myself more kindly”.
Exchange: How can you view the situation more positively and relieve your tension in this moment? Take active steps to replace the negative emotion with positive ones. For example, using gratitude, or a deep breathing exercise, listening to an uplifting playlist, or a funny recording of your children, friends or a favourite comedian. Laughter, smiles and singing aloud create some of the best emotional healing. Do you have to continue with the task at hand, or can you take a brief mental reset break, and return later with a clearer, calmer mind?
Feelings: What are you thinking and saying to yourself now? How do you feel, physically and emotionally? Name those sensations and feelings, for example “I feel calm”, “my muscles are relaxed”. Paying close attention will reinforce the value of this approach, and help you adjust your action responses as you go along, to discover what works best for you.
You will need to practice over and over again before managing your emotions in this way becomes natural, but doing so will be worthwhile.
Why You Feel What You Feel
Why We Get Mad – and why it’s Healthy
The History of Human Emotions
Gratitude filters the toxic sprawl of negativity. Daily practice helps combat depression, enhance wellbeing, outlook and relationships, and improve focus and productivity. Keep a Gratitude Journal – recording the story of small daily gifts and their impact on your life nurtures personal growth and inner peace.
Gratitude Can Change Our Lives
Our thoughts are incredibly powerful. A single thought can quickly leach colour away, and the gathering grey mood separates us from potential to experience joy. We generate a sprawl of negativity every day, its rotten energy crackling through the space in which we live and breathe. Yet we can filter the toxic air around us with daily gratitude practice.
We can fundamentally shift our outlook by simply appreciating what we have in the present moment. Gratitude disciplines us to stop wishing for something else, to value the blessings we have right now, and the experiences we have already received. Gratitude helps us to be more content.
This seems ridiculously simple. But research shows that genuine gratitude has transformational impact on almost every aspect of our lives. Daily practice can reduce symptoms of or risk for depression, improve sleep, physical health, well-being, outlook and relationships, boost concentration and productivity.
In times of busyness and intense stress, daily gratitude can greatly improve quality of life. Yet we tend to give the least mind to gratitude at these times. We’re so caught up in our thoughts that we fail to recognise the gifts blessing us right now.
When we regularly focus on gratitude, we train our minds to look for the positive rather than focusing on the challenges, frustrations, and slights we encounter. Mindful gratitude practice means becoming immersed in the emotion so that we feel deeply and profoundly thankful.
The Science of Gratitude
Robert Emmons: The Power of Gratitude
Robert Emmons: Benefits of Gratitude
Katia Sol: The Transformative Power of Gratitude
Shawn Achor: The happy secret to better work
Practice Mindful Gratitude
There are many ways you can practice daily gratitude. One of the simplest is to keep a gratitude journal. Try this super simple gratitude practice every evening for a week before you go to bed, and observe how you feel as a result.
Write down three things that went well during the day, how they happened, what you experienced, and a brief explanation of how they impacted your day. For example, meeting with a friend, receiving a compliment, and experiencing a refreshing moment in nature. Taking time to record these small gifts aids personal growth and boosts contentment and daily happiness, even in the toughest times.
When a day is especially hard and you can’t identify anything that went well, take a few minutes to look back through your reflections. You’ll probably find some inroads to gratitude for the day, and reflecting on previous gratitude will draw your mind away from a trap of negative thinking into a more positive mind-set, ready for the next morning.
Oprah’s Gratitude Journal
The Gratitude Experiment
Long Story Shortz – My Gratitude Jar (great for kids)
Gratitude: The Most Powerful Practice You’re Not Doing
Hailey Bartholomew’s 365 Grateful Project
How to Create Daily Habits of Gratitude and Appreciation
Gratitude: The Short Film by Louie Schwartzberg
Louie Schwartzberg: Nature. Beauty. Gratitude
Guided Meditation For Gratitude
Gratitude and Happiness
An Experiment in Gratitude | The Science of Happiness
Robert Biswas-Diener: Your Happiest days are behind you
David Steindl-Rast: Want to be happy? Be grateful
Jane Ransom: Discover the Three Keys of Gratitude to Unlock Your Happiest Life!
The Four A’s for Expressing Gratitude
Show Your Partner Gratitude
Chaotic, uncertain times also create opportunity to focus on the things you value in your partner, to show them tenderness, respect, love, and appreciation. Gestures of reassurance and love go a long way when circumstances raise insecurity and stress. Here are a few suggestions to get started.
- Make a conscious effort to recognise when your partner does or says something that eases your day and makes you feel good, and show that you appreciate their words and actions.
- If this is challenging to do in the busyness of the day, take time in the evening to share at least one thing that was appreciated during the day.
- Perhaps ask your partner what you can do tomorrow to support them and help them feel loved, and share one thing that could help you.
- If spoken word isn’t easy, consider placing a bedtime gratitude note on your partner’s pillow – those notes may become precious keepsakes.
- Create a Treasure Box: Decorate and fill a box with mementos of your life together – photos, letters, souvenirs – anything that has special meaning for you about your partner. Prepare a special time for only you and your partner when you are both relaxed, perhaps after a meal, and share the treasure box. Ask them if they would like to look through the contents together now, or on their own later – respect their choice. The goal of the box is not to spend time looking through the objects together, but to convey to your partner how much they are treasured, especially at this time.
Hydrate to keep your mind and body balanced. Most adults and children don’t drink enough or hydrate steadily throughout the day. Dehydration causes fatigue, headaches, muscle aches and mood swings, and negative emotions become harder to manage. Put water by your bed and drink when you wake up. Aim for at least 2 litres (8 glasses) throughout the day.
We All Need to Drink Water Daily for Physical and Mental Health
Drinking water is something we all need to do to stay physically and mentally well. But most adults and children are chronically under-hydrated. We don’t drink enough, and what we do drink, we don’t consume steadily enough throughout the day to be of real value.
When we are dehydrated, we can feel drained and tired, we may have headaches, muscle aches and cramps, mood swings, and find it more difficult to manage our thoughts and emotions. That’s an especially toxic combination of impacts in times of crisis like retinoblastoma and a global pandemic!
Put a glass or bottle of water beside your bed, so you can drink it first thing in the morning, before you get up. Take a few quiet moments to drink slowly, so your brain has time to make the connection that you are drinking and reap the full benefit. Pay attention to it, and set the intention to drink regularly throughout the day. You will be more aware of the need to drink water in the busy hours ahead, and respond.
TED Ed lesson: What would happen if you didn’t drink water?
See video notes for the full lesson link and further resources.
Body Hydration: The Key to Improved Performance, Health, and Life
Daily Amount, and How to Increase Fluid Intake
Aim for at least 2 litres (8 glasses) of water per day. Remember that caffeinated drinks (coffee, tea, sports drinks, sodas etc.) are dehydrating. Water, whether plain or flavoured, is best. You also get a lot of water from fruit, veg, soups, smoothies etc. Be mindful though that fruit smoothies can be high in calories due to the natural sugars in fruit, and the density of fruit in the smoothie.
Here are some simple ways to add more water to your day!
10 Ways to Drink More Water
6 Water-Rich Foods That Help You Stay Hydrated
Help Protect You and the Planet
WE C Hope works with families around the world who must think carefully about where to find safe water while caring for their child with eye cancer. Globally, our planet suffers from our high consumption of single-use plastics, including water bottles.
If you have the blessing of clean water flowing from your taps, please use them! Please refill your own drinking bottle rather than buying plastic from the store, and recycle whenever possible. Please help protect our planet while also looking after your own health and wellbeing! Thank you so much.
TED Ed, What really happens to the plastic you throw away
See video notes for the full lesson link and further resources.
How to make filthy water drinkable
Learn more about and purchase Michael Pritchard’s Lifesaver Bottle, featured in this TED Talk.
Imagine something better than this moment – a comforting place, memory, future event, or fantasy world. Children process experiences, explore new ideas and escape reality through play and art. As we grow, we lose our daydreaming skills and may need some prompts such as guided meditation and creative arts. Give your imagination wings today.
Imagination is Vital
The neuroscience of imagination
How would you finish the sentence, “Imagine if…”?
Guided imagery allows us to create an alternative reality in our mind, rich in calming experiences. For example, we may imagine we are playing on a beautiful beach, warmed and strengthened by the sunshine, and calmed by the gentle ebb and flow of the waves.
By mentally entering that different world, touching, seeing, smelling, hearing and tasting it, we transport our attention away from present physical or emotional pain to a place of comfort and peace. The power of imagination soothes both mental stress and physical sensations of pain.
Using this simple visualization practice, pause for a mental vacation. By visualizing your perfect relaxation spot, you can put yourself in a calm, restful, and elevated state of mind. You can do this as you sit for a few minutes between tasks, waiting for the bus, anywhere that creates space between… Please never use this tool while driving or in any situation where you need to remain alert to your surroundings.
Here are two brief guided visualisations to help you take a mental vacation. Many longer guided meditations are available on youtube, or for purchase on Audible, iTunes and elsewhere.
Visualize Yourself Calm
How does it feel to be calm, free from worry and the attention-seeking thoughts of a cluttered mind? How do you breathe in those moments of peace? How does your body rest? Next time you’re aware of feeling particularly at peace, pay particular attention to your breathing and position.
- How deep are your breaths – their pace, tempo, duration, in/out ratio etc.?
- How are you positioned? Are you sitting, reclined, standing? Does your breathing and sense of peace remain or alter when you change position?
Now try to imagine yourself calm. Close your eyes and take a few deep, cleansing breaths. Imagine your body and mind feeling relaxed as you navigate through a stressful situation. Recall how you naturally breathe when you’re most relaxed. Pay attention to recreating that breathing pattern, or simply breathe slow and deep.
When you take time to create a clear mental image of what it looks and feels like to be calm in a difficult situation, you can refer back to that image when your reality begins to tense.
This can be very difficult to do when we are caught up in the stress of a situation. Daily practicing specific breathing techniques, or using a guided meditation to reduce stress and create calm, can be very beneficial.
Try this 5 minute guided meditation to reduce anxiety and increase calm. A wide variety of longer meditations are available online, but in the moments we most need the calming space, 5 minutes may be all we have – and all that is needed to restore calm.
Use Positive Affirmations
Affirmations are positive statements you repeat to yourself, describing who and how you want to be. Affirmations are phrased in the present tense, as though the outcome is currently occurring. Examples of affirmations:
- “I am calm and confident”
- “I don’t know what will happen, but I can control the peace I have today.”
Establishing a positive affirmation routine first thing in the morning can impact the outcome of your entire day. Using affirmations at pressure points throughout the day, and in the evening can help relieve tension, maintain a positive focus, and set up for more restful sleep and a good start to the following day.
Affirmations are valuable for adults and children alike. Writing affirmations together with your children and saying them together daily can create a great opportunity for communication and bonding.
When practiced deliberately and repeatedly, positive affirmations can literally rewire the brain, replacing negative thoughts with positive ones. Daily practice reinforces chemical pathways, strengthening the connection between neurons. Over time, they are more likely to transmit the positive messages naturally, without your conscious direction.
Here is a short introduction to using positive daily affirmations.
Inspire Your Imagination!
Taking Imagination Seriously
The unexpected beauty of everyday sounds
Turning trash into toys for learning
Public art that turns cities into playgrounds of the imagination
Joy is soul-food. Don’t let your heart’s nourishment be an accident. Don’t wait for the perfect time “after…” to treat yourself or share special activities. Create sparks of light in these messy moments right now. Rest, breathe, and notice one another. Savour the small daily gifts. Pay attention to the experience and how you feel. Be enriched by joy.
Joy is Our Secret Superpower
from our blog, Monday April 12, 2021
Throughout the retinoblastoma journey, and all tough times, nurturing joy is vital to help mind and body release tension and nourish hope. Morgan Livingstone CCLS explains why joy is our secret superpower, and how we can nurture it in ourselves and others.
Find Your Joy
Where Joy Hides and How to Find It
Unleash Your Joy Potential
Know Yourself – thoughts, fears, judgements, habits, needs, joys and stressbusters. To understand our choices and actions, we must look objectively at ourselves. Our thoughts and personal bias are potentially destructive filters, and self-awareness is the best antidote. There’s always more water in the well, but we have to know how to tap into it.
The Gift of Self Awareness
We are quick to support family and friends in a crisis with words of comfort, encouragement, and affirmation, and practical acts to care for their wellbeing, so why are we so reluctant to give ourselves the same support? Abby White explores the difference between self-compassion, self-care, and self-love, how they are connected, why they matter so much, and how we can cultivate them.
Love Yourself and #LetGo! Self-discovery, compassion and acceptance are pathways to peace. Releasing our burdens of blame, guilt, shame and regret is tough, but liberating. Show yourself the same kindness, patience, and supportive words you give others who are hurting. Know your worth, celebrate you, and let your light shine.
Becoming Your Best Friend with Compassion, Care and Love
How compassionate self-enquiry can reduce stress and help us heal – from our April 26, 2021 blog.
We all need to be heard, but how often do we truly listen to ourselves? Living or working with retinoblastoma can be emotionally overwhelming. WE C Hope CEO and Rb survivor, Abby White, shares personal experience of some listening techniques that help her cope with daily challenging thoughts and strong emotions such as anger, fear and worry.
Increase your self-awareness with one simple fix
The importance of asking WHAT rather than WHY!
How to avoid catching prickly emotions from other people
Mindfulness: the deliberate act of slowing down to notice everything within and around you, without judgment, It can profoundly enhance mental health. All we ever truly have is this one present moment. When we fixate on past events or future worries that may never be, we lose the abundant gift of calm available right now. Be aware and invite calm in.
Live In The Moment
Constantly ruminating on past events and all their related emotions, or worrying about and planning the future – even the next five minutes – prevents us from enjoying the present moment. All we ever truly have in life is this one moment, here and now. We may wake up to see tomorrow, next week or next year. But while we overwhelm our mind with thoughts of past failings or imagined things that may never be, we lose the gift of this vibrant life waiting for us right now.
Mindfulness is the deliberate act of slowing down to notice everything within and around you, without judgment. This sounds simple, but it can be difficult in today’s fast-paced world. Effective mindfulness requires regular practice of awareness, so it becomes a natural part of who we are and how we interact with our world.
Mindfulness can profoundly enhance mental health. Consistent benefits can be seen after daily practice for just 4-8 weeks. Among the many benefits proven through scientific research, mindfulness can:
- Reduce stress, anxiety, depression, and worry
- Improve our ability to manage emotions and self-control.
- Improve empathy, compassion, interpersonal skills, and relationships.
- Reduce aggression, risk-taking behaviours like drinking and substance abuse, and problem behaviours like tantrums in children.
- Boost attention and focus, raising cognitive performance, academic achievement and productivity.
- Enhance resilience in both adults and children
There are many mindfulness practices we can incorporate into our daily life. Try one or two today and see where they lead you.
Massage Your Hands
Anxiety can cause us to mistreat our hands without a second thought. Wringing them in frustration, overworking at our keyboards or smart devices, or excessively cleaning and washing in efforts to stave off worry.
Show your hands a little kindness with a five minute massage. Focusing on the steps in the process, the sensations and scents of the experience can help to dramatically calm both body and mind.
Select your favourite moisturising hand cream and rub a generous portion into your palms. Use moderate pressure, and repeat each of the following strokes at least three times:
- Use your palm to stroke from wrist to fingertips on both sides of your hand.
- Massage each finger and thumb between your thumb and forefinger. Use a circular motion over the knuckles, before gliding thumb and forefinger along the entire digit from base to tip, giving it a gentle stretch in the process.
- Using your fingertips, massage the base of your hand at your wrist in a circular motion. Slowly move upwards over your palm, and back along your forearm.
- Form a loose first and gently raise it towards your elbow as you continue to massage your wrist.
- Cradle your hand palm down in your active hand, and massage the sides of the wrist and hand.
- Use your fingertips to massage the muscles between the finger bones on the top side of your hand.
- Use your thumb to massage the area between your thumb and forefinger. Do not do this last step if you are pregnant as this is a pressure point not recommended in pregnancy.
Eckhart Tolle discusses how to break the habit of excessive worry and mind chatter by focusing our thoughts on the hands, and the mere sensation of their existence.
Relax With a Mindful Body Scan
When we are anxious or angry, every muscle in our body can feel like a tightly wound spring. Practicing progressive muscle relaxation can help to relax those stressed muscles and calm the mind.
A body scan is a very relaxing meditative practice in which you focus on each part of your body in turn, from the toes to the head, or the other way around. The aim is to bring full attention to each specific point on your body for a few moments, and observe what and how you feel.
In stressful situations, you can gently draw your mind away from difficult thoughts with a simple body scan, breaking a negative thought spiral and restoring calm.
Below are two guided body scans of 15 and 30 minutes. Closing your eyes during the scan is not necessary, but it does aid relaxation. The scan is not intended as a sleep-aid, but it can be very helpful wind-down at the end of the day.
15 min scan, led by Mark Williams, director of the Oxford Mindfulness Centre at the University of Oxford.
30 min scan, led by Jon Kabat-Zinn, founder of the Stress Reduction Clinic and Center for Mindfulness in Medicine at U. Mass.
Mindfulness Tips for Retinoblastoma Families and Supporting Teachers
Nutrition: Nourish your mental and physical health with a balanced diet. Disrupted routines, changing appetite and increased stress affect when, what and how much we eat. When nutrition suffers, we have less energy and become prone to illness; we’re less able to manage strong emotions and make difficult decisions. Take action to eat well in tough times.
Nutrition and Wellbeing
Eating a regular, healthy diet helps keep blood sugar, energy levels and mood stable throughout the day. When we are hungry or nutritionally unbalanced, we become less able to think clearly and make logical decisions that protect our mental health. During times of high stress, when appetite may change or demands may limit the time available for organised meals, it is especially important to eat well.
Try to keep a balanced diet with plenty of fruits, vegetables, pulses and wholegrains. Good nutrition will support everyone’s mental and physical health.
If you find yourself craving snacks, check in with your body to identify whether you need a drink. Dehydration can feel like hunger pangs, and a glass of water can often settle the discomfort of endless cravings.
When you know times will be busy or stressed, prepare some healthy meals and snacks in advance. If you’re focused on caring for a sick relative or yourself, this is the time to ask relatives and friends to donate healthy home-cooked, store-bought or restaurant delivered meals to ensure you and your family eat well.
Discover and Be Inspired with these Fabulous Five Ted Talks
Watch these five brilliant TED talks about the link between nutrition and wellbeing – curated by Nutritionists Anna and Alex at The Biting Truth.
Outside heals within. As little as five minutes in green space can release physical and emotional tension, boost positive mood, expand thoughts and improve working memory. The longer we spend in nature, the greater the health benefits. If you can’t go outdoors, bring mother nature in to soothe body, mind and spirit. Take your Vitamin N today!
Connect With Nature
Spending time in nature delivers a huge benefits to our mental and physical well-being. Research shows that the natural environment generates greater happiness than the built environment. Numerous studies have demonstrated that spending time in nature can boost our immune system, reduce levels of cortisol (the stress-hormone), relieve symptoms of depression and anxiety, and improve concentration, creativity, and memory.
As little as five minutes in green space boosts positive mood, broadens thinking and improves working memory. The longer you spend outside in the fresh air, taking time to enjoy the beauty of the world, the greater the benefits will be. So go into your garden, or find a green space in your community, and make time to reap the benefits of our beautiful natural world today.
Try a nature meditation, a very simple way to engage all your senses in the environment around you. This is possible whether you are walking down the street, hiking a country trail, walking the dog in your neighbourhood park, or simply sitting at an open window. Pay attention to your breath and to what exists in this moment.
Can you identify five things you can see, four things you can hear, three things you can touch, two things you can smell and one thing you can taste? Focusing on what your senses encounter releases your mind from ongoing internal chatter, and gives more awareness to the beauty of life around and within you.
Nature immersion as a first step to a healthier body and mind
Prescribing Nature for Health
Why nature is good for your mental health
(There is an advert midway through this video)
Get Your Daily Vitamin N During Home Isolation
Even if you can’t go outside at all, or you can’t find any natural environments to connect with in your neighbourhood, you can bring nature into you daily life to help soothe body, mind and spirit. Try some of the following:
- Open all curtains and blinds to get as much natural light as possible.
- Open the windows to let in fresh air and the sounds of nature.
- Spend time sitting in the garden, if you have one, or on your balcony, porch, even your doorstep will be enough.
- Create a comfortable seating space beside an open window, where you can clearly see the sky. Perhaps you can see trees and wildlife from this vantage point, or hear the song of nearby birds.
- Listen to soundscapes of nature, such as birdsong, ocean waves or rainfall. You can find recordings like the following example on YouTube, AmazonMusic, Spotify and other streaming services, or via an app like Calm or Naturespace.
- Watch a nature documentary or natural world webcams like the one below. YouTube hosts many live stream webcams and videos from zoos, wildlife sanctuaries, national parks, marine reserves and other wildlife action spots around the world.
- Look at photos of your favourite natural spaces. If you have a large format TV with a Home image constantly displayed, change this image to display the photo that relaxes you most.
- If you can order bulbs or seeds online for home delivery, planting and tending the new life can be a wonderful way of bringing nature into your home.
- If you can safely access a garden, park or other local green space, you could gather some natural materials for an art project or decorative feature. This may be a good activity to do with children.
- Try a nature meditation, a very simple way to engage all your senses in the environment around you. This is possible whether you are sitting beside an open window or in the garden, walking down the street, or exercising the dog in your neighbourhood park. Pay attention to your breath, to what you see, hear, smell, taste, and feel around you. Can you identify five items for each sense? Focusing on what your senses encounter releases your mind from ongoing internal chatter, and gives more awareness to the beauty of life around and within you.
- You don’t have to venture far to find nature, even in the city. Pay attention to the trees, plants, and wildlife you see, or the birds you hear. Can you photograph the ones you don’t recognise to research later? Can you download an app or recording of common birdsongs in your region to learn?
Plan Ahead for greater calm. Manage your space and time. Create a procedure support plan for/with your child. Identify possible stressors and solutions early, rather than reacting to events as they happen. Plan for tomorrow the night before, so your brain can rest lightly. Plans may change, but a little prep time is a huge investment in your wellbeing.
Don’t sit back and expect others to solve your problems, and don’t make choices based on other people’s opinions (or what you think their opinions are). You deserve to be happy. So do what you need to create comfort and calm within yourself.
- If you need space and silence to meditate, practice yoga or go for a run every morning, tell your family and ask for support to create that sacred space.
- If you need to take a lunchtime walk, tell the people with whom you work that you are unavailable at this time, and set your phone to airplane mode.
- If your child needs support to cope with a particular medical procedure or aspect of retinoblastoma, or the broader experience, investigate and plan the steps to make that a reality.
- If you need more support in any area of life, identify specifically what you need and who you can ask for help, then ask clearly and show your gratitude.
Take responsibility and plan the change you want to see in your life.
Make a Procedure Support Plan
Procedures will run more smoothly, with less distress, when you and your child are well prepared for them. When you have a coping plan, you will both be less anxious and feel a greater sense of control over the experience. A coping plan includes when and how to tell your child about the procedure, how you will support your child and the choices your child will have before, during and after the procedure.
Plan for Tomorrow
Do you ever lie in bed thinking “I must remember to do X”, working through the steps involved in doing Y, or masterminding all your tasks into the jigsaw puzzle of available timeslots throughout your day?
Planning the next day before going to bed the night before saves time in the morning. It also helps the brain to relax and sleep better. Writing down tomorrow’s action items can free the mind of the need to remember and worry about certain things, creating more opportunity for the brain to unwind and enter sustained deep sleep.
It can be very tempting to skip nightly reviews and planning in favour of an extra 10 minutes relaxation, watching TV or chatting on social media. But taking that time to think about tomorrow will put you ahead physically and mentally, especially on a potentially hectic and stressful morning.
The planning itself can be a mindfulness exercise, completing some of the morning’s readiness tasks the night before. Making life calmer, simpler, and more streamlined frees the mind to focus on what is most important, rather than reacting to everything.
There is no single method, no right or wrong way to plan for tomorrow – we are all different in what works for us, with widely varied lives. Some people prepare detailed daily action lists. Others use 3-5 simple bullet notes. You will find a wide range of techniques shared online.
In the following video, Amy makes an important differentiation between the To Do List and the daily calendar. She also describes Stephen Covey’s 4 quadrant planning tool, which helps prioritise tasks when there is not enough time in the day to do everything.
Plan Ahead of Busy Times
Taking a little time to plan in advance for busy times like treatment cycles and hospital visits, school vacations, special family or religious events, and the Holiday Season will help you avoid or reduce stress during the event itself. You can more easily identify where you may risk over-committing yourself, make a note of your needs, brainstorm potential solutions, and quickly document follow up actions.
Quality Time holds magic. Savour these moments of self-care, shared and private joy. When you do, you can take them courageously forward as bright gems of hope through the day. How can you open up daily space for yourself and those you love? What can you do with that time to ensure true delight, healing and peace may thrive?
Sprinkle Magic Moments Throughout Your Day
Real magic happens in the quiet space we give ourselves. We can rest, breathe, and notice ourselves and one another. We can cuddle close with those we love (human or furry), savour a delicious drink and our favourite music for five refreshing minutes, take a soothing walk in nature, escape into a novel, or relax in a candlelit bath.
List 10-15 things you truly enjoy, that cleanse your body, mind and soul. Ask your family to do the same. Identify simple activities you can easily enjoy alone and together on any regular day. For example:
- Taking a five minute coffee break
- Coffee and catch-up with a friend
- Spending time with your pets
- Reading a book or magazine
- Taking a walk in green space
- Making and enjoying a special drink / snack
- Singing and/or dancing to your favourite music
- Being creative (colouring, knitting, writing, music etc.)
- Beauty treatment like a massage, facial or hairstyling.
- A candle-lit bubble bath with great music or a book.
- Watching a movie, alone or with family / friends
- Playing a game, alone or with family / friends
Don’t fill space mindlessly. Treat yourself to a gift from your list. You’re more likely to do it if you’ve already thought about it and have any necessary supplies to hand.
Really focus on those activities – where you are, what you’re doing, who you’re with, and how you’re interacting, what each of your senses experiences, and how you feel. Paying close attention helps us stay in the moment and be enriched by it, rather than letting intrusive thoughts take over.
When you’re out and about, use simple breathing techniques to ease any tension that arises, and bring your focus to sparks of light in the moment. Perhaps while queueing at a busy store, or waiting in traffic. Let the superpower of your inner joy shine and help you reclaim that experience as a sliver of quality time to slow down.
How to gain control of your free time
The Art of Spending Time
Have a Cuppa
Both green and black tea contains L-Theanine, an amino acid well known to reduce the body’s stress response and calm the mind. It may also have a number of other health benefits, such as boosting the immune system and lowering blood pressure. The act of pausing for a few minutes to sip the hot, soothing drink can also create a mental oasis to rebalance.
As with coffee, drink tea in moderation to avoid the unpleasant effects of excessive caffeine intake, which can include nausea, upset stomach and irritability. If you are pregnant, breastfeeding or taking chemotherapy, check with your doctor to clarify what is safe for you.
Have a Hot Soak in the Tub
A relaxing soak in a scented bath at any time of day can be the ultimate healing balm. Warm bubbles and candles can be a wonderful way to relax as the evening draws in, and prepare for restful sleep.
Unwinding in comfortably hot water purifies body and mind. The skin responds to the sensation of warm water by releasing endorphins, the feel-good hormone, just as it does when bathed in warm sunlight. The heat also helps to loosen tight muscles and relieve pain. As a result, gentle stretches are often easier in the bath. Carefully selecting bath products with attention to their ingredients such as essential oils and salts can also significantly influence physical and mental wellness.
Read well to protect your mental health. Facts inform, enabling us to be better advocates, make good decisions and practice self-care. Escaping into fictional worlds can be very cathartic and enlightening. But mindless reading stokes confusion, fear and anxiety. Choose what you consume carefully.
Limit the News
Every day brings new human drama from across the country and around the globe, stoking the twitch to check for updates and consume more. The remnants of fact, story and speculation seep into our consciousness like drops of acid, and when we feel anxious, our thoughts can quickly spiral out of control. Imagination often goes into overdrive as we construct worst case scenarios in our mind.
In times of crisis that directly affect us, staying in touch with current news helps ensure we have all relevant information to stay safe and follow any community guidelines. But too much news can become overwhelming. Even the news of a rapidly evolving global situation like the COVID19 pandemic doesn’t change much hour by hour. Frequently reading repetitive content will only raise fear and anxiety.
What Are You Consuming?
Pay attention to what you read, listen to or watch when you first wake, throughout the day, and before you go to bed. How much coronavirus news does it contain? What is the tone of the content, and how does it make you feel? If it doesn’t add positively to your day, and especially if it depletes energy or disrupts your sleep, stop consuming it. Replace it with something uplifting instead.
Plan Your Daily News Check-In
Limit the number of times you check the news throughout the day. Identify a specific time in the morning and evening when you will check in with one news app or website, and for how long – for example, checking in with the News app for 15 minutes at 9am and 6pm. Or limit yourself to a specific TV or radio news bulletin, and proactively avoid all internet based news media.
Chose Your Sources Carefully
Carefully select the news sources you visit to ensure you are consuming clear fact rather than opinion and potential misinformation that may feed your fear and anxiety. Consider signing up to updates from government and health agency websites, rather than visiting news outlets where content is designed to grab attention.
Protect Your Anchor Hour and Sleeping Mind
The first hour when you wake up becomes the psychological anchor for your day. You can choose what to expose yourself to during that time, and influence how you feel for the rest of the day. The same is true of the last hour as you wind down for the night. Reading the news just before bed is more likely to fill your mind with anxiety-inducing thoughts that disrupt restorative sleep.
Changing what you listen to, watch, or read is an act of self-care. This won’t magic away the reality, but it will build up a store of emotional energy that equips us to respond with less anxiety and more hope. Every day of this global emergency brings new challenges, so it’s important we top up that internal store every day.
Here’s a great little talk on why taking a break from news consumption is a sensible decision for personal wellbeing.
The Informed Parent – 6 Tips for Staying Up to Date in a Social Media World
Google and social media play an increasingly significant role in the lives of families affected by retinoblastoma, but without careful use, they can complicate a child’s medical care and even put life at risk. Dr. Jesse Berry shares her recommendations for being a safely informed parent advocate in the modern hyper-connected age.
DIY Guide to Assess Medical Information and Research
From our December 2013 blog: This two part article gives simple guidance that can help you effectively read and assess medical information, medical news stories and published research articles.
Father Braille: A Wonderfully Dotty Relationship
For many individuals diagnosed with retinoblastoma, sight-loss means braille is the primary means of reading and writing. In celebration of World Braille Day on Friday January 4th, Rb survivor Ffion Miles introduces us to a very special relationship she has with six tiny dots, and the marvellous adventures they’ve shared together.
Why reading matters | Rita Carter
The healing power of reading | Michelle Kuo
Self Care is vital in our over-stretched world. No one can serve from an empty cup. When we replenish our spirit, we nourish peace, hope, and ability to care for others. Listen to your body, go slow, gather your energy, and take small compassionate steps for YOU. That may be as simple as showering and putting on clean clothes to feel yourself again.
Self-Care: What It Really Is
Self-Care: What It Really Is | Susannah Winters
Be Your Own Best Friend
We are quick to support family and friends in a crisis with words of comfort, encouragement, and affirmation, and practical acts to care for their wellbeing, so why are we so reluctant to give ourselves the same support? Abby White explores the difference between self-compassion, self-care, and self-love, how they are connected, why they matter so much, and how we can cultivate them.
When we are anxious or angry, we tense up and hold our breath, or breathe fast and shallow, further increasing stress. Slow, deep breathing almost instantly diffuses tension, helping us feel calm, clear-headed and in control. Abby White explores why our bodies react this way, and how we can use our breath to restore calm fast.
Traditions that mark life events and annual holidays shape our identity and wellbeing. Familiar customs bring refreshment and joy or solace and a way through. Tough times may impact those comforting rituals, but we can also create new ones as beacons of hope through and beyond the storm. How can you adapt and create traditions to help you restore?
Lessons about tradition from a little brown bag
Lessons about tradition from a little brown bag | Rita Barreto Craig
The Healing Power of Rituals and Routines
The Healing Power of Rituals and Routines | Michael Leach
How culture connects to healing and recovery
How culture connects to healing and recovery | Fayth Parks
Unplug regularly from devices and pressures to create breathing space. Social media can be full of negativity and misinformation. Over-commitment stretches us too thin. Learn to say No without guilt, and put down your phone during meal times or before bed. Be aware of how you feel, so you can set boundaries to protect your freedom and wellbeing.
How to turn off work thoughts during your free time
How to turn off work thoughts during your free time | Guy Winch
How every child can thrive by five
Molly Wright: How every child can thrive by five
Volunteer! People who give consistently to the world are happier, less burdened by life, and more successful. Give freely from your heart, without expectation of anything in return, and joy will flow back to you. Support a friend in need. Extend a hand of kindness to a stranger. Donate, serve, share hope, and help build a brighter future for our world.
Life-Changing Effects of Volunteering
Volunteering – the beneficial side effects | Eric Cooper
Volunteerism — best platform for personal and professional development | Tuan Nguyen
How Volunteering can help Change the World | Trishya Screwvala
Be Selfish. Volunteer! | Kevin White
Negative Impacts of Volunteer Tourism
What’s wrong with volunteer travel?: Daniela Papi
The Perils Of Volunteer Tourism | Craig Vandermeer
Write! Liberate your tired mind through journaling, poetry or fiction. Writing is a magical act, drawing silver stands of mental clutter to the pensive page. Find a quiet space and time to write, Begin with just 3 minutes daily. Try dictating on your phone. Let go of heavy thoughts and emotions, or take flight to fictional worlds, and feel the tension release.
The quiet routine and action of private journaling can soothe a stressed and anxious mind, preparing it for a calmer day of activity, or more peaceful night of sleep. We can “leave it on the page” for a time, and feel a little lighter. Writing out our thoughts and feelings for a few minutes every day can gently improve how we think and feel, and how we interact with the world – its positive effects over time can be profound.
Many people set journaling challenges throughout 2020 as the world locked down due to the COVID19 pandemic. The following two articles offer 41 journal prompts that can help to relieve stress and calm the anxious mind on any difficult day.
In her book The Artist’s Way, Julia Cameron encourages readers to begin every day with “Morning Pages”, which she describes as:
“Three pages of longhand, stream of consciousness writing, done first thing in the morning. There is no wrong way to do Morning Pages – they are not high art. They are not even ‘writing.’ They are about anything and everything that crosses your mind – and they are for your eyes only. Morning Pages provoke, clarify, comfort, cajole, prioritize and synchronize the day at hand.”
For 5-15 minutes at the start of the day, you’re fully focused on liberating your mind. The journal becomes your pensive, your pen or keyboard and act of writing is the magic that draws the silver stands of mental clutter from your mind.
If 10 minutes seems daunting, try writing for just 3 minutes. You also don’t have to write at all. Try the Notes App on your phone and speak your thoughts and feelings. On the iPhone, the dictate button is located just to the left of the Space button on any on-screen keyboard.
Set your day off to a calmer, lighter start with this easy journaling exercise.
Consider writing your own creative path to a calmer place. Creative writing may seem like the last thing you’d want to do, but the creative process can dramatically slow down your thoughts and allow both body and mind space to release tension. In the process, you can create something wonderful, that may or may not reflect your own thoughts and feelings.
Just as with art therapy, creative writing is an expressive art that harnesses our thoughts, creativity and imagination to produce poetry, song lyrics, short stories, novels, narrative reporting, and many other forms of creative writing.
You don’t have to be a brilliant writer to benefit from creative writing. Everyone is uniquely creative, with potential to find joy in writing for stress relief.
So grab your preferred writing tools, find a quiet space and time to write, keep an open mind, turn on calming music, take some deep focusing breaths, and begin!
If you are struggling for ideas, try one of these 15 writing prompts:
- Famous novel endings. Write a story that ends with one of the following:
- “So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.” The Great Gatsby, F. Scott Fitzgerald
- “Yes, she thought, laying down her brush in extreme fatigue, I have had my vision.” To the Lighthouse, Virginia Woolf
- “And the ashes blew towards us with the salt wind from the sea.” Rebecca, Daphne du Maurier
- “Whatever we had missed, we possessed together the precious, the incommunicable past.” My Antonia, Willa Cather
- “My life amounts to no more than one drop in a limitless ocean. Yet what is any ocean, but a multitude of drops?” David Mitchell, Cloud Atlas.
- Free Writing. Write freely about:
- The last incident that made you cry with laughter
- The oddest coincidence you ever came across
- The best qualities of someone you dislike
- Two Word Create. Write a scene that involves at least two of the following:
- church pew
- magnifying glass
- glass of wine
- Write a conversation in direct speech between
- two strangers in a cemetery visiting the same grave
- a child and her mother on the way home from school after both have had a bad day
- two people talking on the telephone, one of whom is trying to duck an invitation
- No I. Write a passage of no more than 200 words without using the letter I.
- Alphabet Story: Write a 26 sentence story, in which each sentence begins with the next letter of the alphabet.
- Five Senses First: Using all five senses, describe a first:
- house / flat
- big success
- day at school
- roller coaster
- encounter with your best friend
- Everything but the Eyes: Describe a place of importance using sensory details of taste, smell, hearing or touch. Anything except the visual.
- Random Chance: Select a book and open it to page 96. Use the first line of the second paragraph as the first line of a short story.
- Objects: Take any object from any room in your home and tell the story of the person who invented/made/sold that object.
- Perspective of Place: Describe a significant place, allowing the details to reveal why the place matters. Describe it from the perspective of:
- sitting in a tree
- a bird’s eye view
- the height of a dog
- the height of a mouse
- Monosyllabic: Using 1 syllable words only, write a story beginning:
- “The last time I saw her, she…”
- “From the back of the bus…”
- “When the last full moon…”
- “One thing I know for sure…”
- Animal’s Perspective: Describe one of the following:
- a picnic from an ant’s perspective
- a zoo from an elephant’s perspective
- an ocean sunset from a dolphin’s perspective
- an African rain storm from a zebra’s perspective
- the summer thaw from a polar bear’s perspective
- 3 Wishes: A genie has just granted you three wishes. Write a detailed description of your three wishes. Include reasons for wanting that wish.
- Story of Colour: Write a story in which the first word of every paragraph is a specific colour. Use the “colour word” only once in each paragraph, but suggest the colour in as many ways as possible.
eXpectations influence how we experience life. Rigid expectations may be unnecessary burdens and pressure points that set us up for failure, disappointment and pain. Embracing life requires us to evaluate, and understand what we truly want and need. Let go of ideals, and be flexible with yourself and others to welcome this day with all its unseen possibilities.
Noticing and Closing the Expectations Gap
Why we’re unhappy — the expectation gap
lWhy you don’t get what you want; it’s not what you expect
Define Your Holiday Expectations
This is Tip #2 from 12 Ways to Have a More Joyful Holiday
As we accept the present situation, and let go of ideals based on past experiences, it is also vital we create realistic expectations for this Holiday.
If everyone around you is in the throes of extravagant celebration, or you’ve had clear Holiday visions, downsizing may cause you to feel cheap, inadequate or wrong. But there is no rule-book. What is joyful for one person or family may be discomfort for another, and what is practical one year may be unattainable the next.
Plan and do what feels right for you and yours, not because you think others will approve – they aren’t celebrating your Holiday. Recognise that expectations may be unnecessary burdens, potential pressure points and avoidable disappointments. Evaluate each, and choose wisely, so you can enjoy less, more completely.
Take some time to think about the values you want this season to nourish in yourself and your home. Ask your family what they hope for, and brainstorm how you can cultivate those blessings.
This is a good time to look at what needs to be done, and who can do it. Not all responsibilities hinge on you. If you are shaking your head here, is it time to find a different solution that allows you more breathing space? Don’t feel guilty or embarrassed about delegating and asking for help. If others in your family can’t step up, tell them clearly that certain items or activities may not happen this year so you all have more rest. You can’t do everything, and it’s important you leave guilt-free room to enjoy the festivities too.
You Matter! When life is messy and intense, we can still find beauty and calm by recognising and honouring our needs. You are the author of your life, and you deserve peace and joy. So do what YOU need. Create your own doors to walk through, and help others through them as you go. Take responsibility and be the change you want in your life.
You Matter | Angela Maiers
Angela Maiers is an education and technology consultant from Des Moines, Iowa who shares with us how two words can change a life.
You Matter – Cause/Belief | Matt Emerzian
Author and founder of Every Monday Matters , Matt Emerzian kicks-off TEDx San Diego 2012 by sharing his personal journey of losing himself in the world of music and Hollywood to finding meaning through service. From boardrooms to classrooms to prison cells, Matt has found that the catalyst to positive change in the world is in understanding that “you matter.”
You Matter This Holiday Season!
The following are extracts from 12 Ways to Have a More Joyful Holiday
4. Do Your Best With What You Have, Then Stop!
Enjoy buying the gifts, decorating the tree, cooking the meals and sharing in the parties. But do so within your means. If you run your resources – financial and human – into debt, you’ll pay a higher price in physical and mental wellbeing.
The Holidays don’t have to be all about shopping, doing and being. Take time to set your expectations and goals, identify your limits and discuss all of this with your family to be sure everyone understands and agrees. You’re worth investing this time in to ensure you all get the most from this most wonderful time of the year.
5. Ask for What You Need
If this time of year is challenging for you, please reach out to those around you. Human connection is the best way through difficult times, especially during the Holidays. People want to help but often aren’t aware their help is needed, or they don’t know how to offer or give help effectively. So ask for what you need – specific support, company, a friend by your side at an event you’d like to attend, a chat over a slice of cake and a cup of tea, time to listen, a hug…
Whatever you need, your first step is to ask. Don’t worry that people will be too busy. They may be, but let them decide. Just explain honestly what you are feeling, what you need, and how it will help. That first small ask is always the hardest step.
Listen and Love
These two articles were published earlier in the year, and shared with alphabet letters K and L – Know Yourself and Love Yourself.
The Gift of Listening to Ourselves: How Compassionate Self-Enquiry Can Reduce Stress and Help Us Heal
April 26, 2021: We all need to be heard, but how often do we truly listen to ourselves? Living or working with retinoblastoma can be emotionally overwhelming. WE C Hope CEO and Rb survivor, Abby White, shares personal experience of some listening techniques that help her cope with daily challenging thoughts and strong emotions such as anger, fear and worry.
May 24, 2021: We are quick to support family and friends in a crisis with words of comfort, encouragement, and affirmation, and practical acts to care for their wellbeing, so why are we so reluctant to give ourselves the same support? Abby White explores the difference between self-compassion, self-care, and self-love, how they are connected, why they matter so much, and how we can cultivate them.
The following extract is point 10 (“take charge”) from 12 Ways to Be Happier in the New Year
You are the architect and builder of your life. Don’t sit back and expect others to solve your problem. Don’t make choices based on other people’s opinions (or what you think their opinions are). Go boldly into the world and make things happen. Create your own doors to walk through, and help others through them as you go.
You deserve to be happy. So do what you need to create happiness within. If you need space and silence to meditate or practice yoga every morning, tell your family and create that sacred space. If you need to take a lunchtime walk, tell the people with whom you work that you are unavailable at this time, and set your phone to airplane mode. If you need a career change to find peace and balance, investigate and plan the steps that will make that dream a reality. If you need more service provision, consider donating or volunteering to help boost capacity. If you need more support, ask clearly and be thankful for it. Take responsibility and be the change you want to see in your life.
#Zzzz #Sleep aids physical healing, focus, productivity, and calm. Well rested, we are more able to recall pleasant memories, think clearly and positively, and manage negative emotions. Sleep is cued by diverse factors, from light and mealtimes to physical and social activity. When routines crumble, sleep cues falter. Take action to protect your sleep.
Sleep Is Your Superpower
leep is your superpower | Matt Walker
Sleep is your life-support system and Mother Nature’s best effort yet at immortality, says sleep scientist Matt Walker. In this deep dive into the science of slumber, Walker shares the wonderfully good things that happen when you get sleep — and the alarmingly bad things that happen when you don’t, for both your brain and body. Learn more about sleep’s impact on your learning, memory, immune system and even your genetic code — as well as some helpful tips for getting some shut-eye.
6 tips for better sleep | Sleeping with Science, a TED series
Want to not only fall asleep quickly but also stay asleep longer? Sleep scientist Matt Walker explains how your room temperature, lighting and other easy-to-fix factors can set the stage for a better night’s rest. Sleeping with Science, a TED series, uncovers the facts and secrets behind our nightly slumber. Check out more episodes on TED.com: https://go.ted.com/sleepingwithscience
14 Ways to Improve Your Child’s Sleep
Sleep is our superpower – consistent, quality sleep helps both mind and body function at their best. But many children struggle to sleep well, with potentially significant negative effects. Paediatric nurse and child life specialist, Cindy Pilchuck, explores simple, practical ways parents and caregivers can help children fall asleep more easily and have a restful night.
7 Infant Massage Tips for Improved Summer Sleep
From our Blog: July 5, 2021
Hot weather and changing holiday routines – summer can be unsettling for babies and young children. Add retinoblastoma to the mix, and achieving good sleep at this time of year can be very hard for affected children and siblings. Morgan Livingstone CCLS explains how infant massage can help, offering specific practical ways to improve sleep during sultry summer months, whether or not a child is receiving cancer care.
Sleep, Photosensitivity and Retinoblastoma
From our Blog: May 26, 2018
The body’s sensitive biological clock regulates sleep, which is vital to our physical and mental health. Dr. Iona Alexander explores how some effects of retinoblastoma treatment may disrupt this highly tuned system, and invites survivors to help researchers understand the relationship between these effects and sleep.
Support Your Body’s Natural Rhythms During Home Isolation
Sleep is cued by biological, environmental and social factors. From the light we absorb and the timing of our meals to when we are active and interact with other people. Being homebound for many days can disrupt routines and these important sleep cues. When natural sleep rhythms are disrupted, daily routines become even more threatened, further damaging the sleep-wake cycle.
Follow these tips to promote restorative sleep during home isolation.
Get up at the same time every day.
This routine anchors your body’s day-night routine, and the sleep-wake cycle. When you get up at the same time, you’ll find other daily routines easier to manage, and sleep will come more naturally at night.
Get daylight early in the morning and throughout the day
Specialised retinal cells in the eye send information to the brain about the quality and quantity of ambient light. This process triggers the body clock (circadian rhythm) when we wake, throughout the day, and as we prepare for sleep. So taking in bright light when we get up in the morning signals the body to wake up and move into action. Bright light also helps us feel more alert quickly.
- Open curtains to let in direct sunlight;
- If you don’t have access to natural light, turn on bright indoor lights
- Lights with a white/blue hue are better for morning light.
- Use a Sunrise setting with smart bulbs to turn on lights at the same time daily and gently increase the intensity of lighting to a daylight hue.
Schedule your first social interaction at the same time
In regular life, we’d likely have our first conversations at around the same time each morning – over the morning routine with our partner, outside the school gates, in the queue for our favourite coffee fix, commuting, when arriving at work… Those interactions are all signals to the body that the day is progressing, but isolation changes everything. Try to plan a phone or video call with family or friends every morning at around the same time you would usually chat with someone in regular life. The other person will likely value the conversation too.
Eat breakfast and other meals at the same time
The act of eating updates our body clock throughout the day. Maintaining a regular meal schedule helps regulate biological systems throughout the body, which underpins good sleep.
Get some quality exercise each day
Avoid long periods of sitting as this can slow metabolism and other biological systems, and disrupt sleep later.
- Morning: Exercise early in the morning may result in longer, deeper sleep at night, by kick-starting the body’s biological clock for the day.
- Afternoon: The body is 1-2 degrees warmer by the afternoon, so muscles are more capable of engaging through complex movements. As a result, we’re less likely to experience aches, strains and other injuries than with morning or evening exercise. Exercise raises the body’s core temperature for 4-5 hours, before gradually returning to normal. So afternoon exercise also helps prepare the body for a good night’s sleep.
- Evening: Vigorous exercise too late in the evening may disrupt sleep by over-stimulating the body for too long into the night. Try gentle stretching exercise like yoga in the evening, as this helps calm both body and mind.
Separate day from night
During the day, fill your living spaces with light and activity. From cooking and cleaning to exercise, crafting, and learning. As evening draws in, dim the lights, and tone down the activities. For example, reading, playing board games, watching TV. Choose your music carefully to reflect the energy you want to feel at each time of day to support good sleep.
Block blue light before bed
Blue light stimulates the body’s wake cycle, and blocks production of the sleep hormone, melatonin. Limit your exposure to blue during the 1-2 hours before retiring to bed, to improve your sleep. Use light bulbs or smart-bulb settings with a warm hue. Turn off electronic devices, or set the screen brightness to the lowest possible option, and use built-in systems like Night Shift for IOS. Download and app like lux to manage your screen’s night lighting.
Stop a Broken Sleep Spiral
During stressful times when familiar routines are disrupted, we can expect to have nights of disrupted sleep. Follow the tips below to avoid one night of elusive sleep cascading into a drawn out battle with insomnia.
When You Cannot Sleep
Don’t focus on Sleep: When we worry, our body becomes tense and our mind becomes over-stimulated. Tossing and turning with a racing mind will only leave you feeling more frazzled and stressed about the lack of sleep. Stop focusing on the effort to sleep, so your body can relax and allow sleep to come naturally.
Remove clock faces: When you can’t sleep, it can be tempting to keep checking the time, but it will increase anxiety about not being asleep. Removing visible clock faces from your bedside to prevent this disruptive habit.
Do Not use watch TV or use devices: even low levels of blue light during the night can stimulate the brain to greater wakefulness. If you think you may be tempted to use your device during a wakeful night, store it in another room at night. Another option is to learn to use your device with screenreading accessibility settings (Voiceover for IOS and TalkBack for Android), so the screen can be completely turned off at night.
Take a break from chasing sleep: If you find yourself awake for more than 15 minutes, get up, wrap up warm to keep your core temperature stable, and go into a different room. Keep the lights dim, and do a calming activity such as reading, listening to an audiobook or relaxing music, a meditation or a very gentle yoga routine. Try an app like Calm or Headspace. Avoid anything stimulating. Return to your bed when you begin to feel sleepy again. The aim of the reset break is to calm your body and mind, and avoid your brain learning to associate your bed with being wakeful at night.
After a Night of Poor Sleep
Get up at your usual time: Although you may feel really tired in the morning, sleeping in to “catch up” on lost sleep will confuse your body clock, slowing many biological systems and making sleep even harder the next night. When we get up as usual, the body actually catches up with lost sleep naturally by sleeping more deeply the following night.
Go to bed at or after your usual time the next night: Do not go to bed too early because you feel more tired than usual. Going to bed too early could make it harder to drift off. You’re also more likely to have broken sleep during the night, and wake too early in the morning. During the day, before you feel over-tired, identify a quiet activity you can do in the evening to avoid falling asleep too early.
Stay active and avoid naps: Plan your activities for the day so you are less likely to sit down and mindlessly nap. Try to select low-stress, enjoyable activities as difficult emotions are always harder to manage when we are tired. If you are so tired that you must nap, set your alarm for 20 minutes only. Any longer will risk the quality of night-time sleep. You may also be woken during deep-phase or REM sleep, which will leave you feeling even more sluggish.
Acknowledge that worrying about sleep won’t help: Uncertainty magnifies our emotions and worries. We can often emerge from a wakeful night filled with the desperate need to sleep, and concern for the night ahead. But fixating on the failure and need to sleep only makes the situation worse. Instead of raising your anxiety about sleep, actively say something like “Sleep is a natural system, and I trust my body. Worrying will only disrupt it. So I will focus on the things I know I can do to reduce my stress and support good sleep.”